Episode 30: How to network as an introverted extrovert

Growing up, I was always told phrases like ‘your network is your net worth’. If you know the right people, your background and experience matter less.

The hard part, though, is how to do this. I knew I could switch on making meaningful connections with total strangers, but it was draining. I needed solo time to recover after the networking - hence introverted extrovert.

What helped is having a repeatable framework to reach out and start conversations in different situations:

Reaching out cold

I spent my early career as an SDR. My goal was to send ~50 compelling cold emails to pique their interest enough to take a meeting to learn more.

What I learned from experimenting with templates is answering the question ‘why me?’ in the initial message is the key.

My formula is RRR:

• Research: Open with context showing how you’ve done your research about the problem.

• Relevance: Next answer why you’re reaching out to them specifically. This usually refers to something specific in their background or experience.

• Request: Be specific with the ask. Don’t ask for ‘coffee chat’ — specify what answer you’re looking for.

Here’s an example I sent recently to someone who had worked at a startup accelerator in a pricing role:

In-person conversation starters

The default for most people is some version of ‘so what do you do?’. While this question can give you some context to their background, most people don’t see their work as anything more than a place to collect a paycheck. People often see questions about their work as superficial.

If it’s a 1-1 question, my go-to is:

• What are you known for in your friend group? The purpose of this question is to a) get the other person talking about something they are passionate about b) you get to know something interesting/unique about the person. When you ask superficial questions, you can get short/one-word answers; asking too many questions like that makes it seem like an interrogation.

For a couple, my go-to is:

• What do you feel the other person adds to the relationship? The purpose of this question is to get each partner talking about the other. It also gives each partner to complement each other which puts everyone in a good mood and more likely to get conversation flowing.

For a group of people, my go-to is:

• What’s the next thing you’re looking forward to? The purpose of this question is to be broad enough that each person can bring up the topic that most interest them (hobby, vacation, side hustle, etc.) and specific enough that you won’t get a generic answer.

Virtual conversation starters

For virtual conversation starters (like LinkedIn connection requests), I research their activity (posts/likes) and ask a specific question in my outreach.

When I saw a company called Alma featured in TechCrunch tackling the US immigration process, I wanted to reach out and introduce myself. I didn’t have a specific ask other than complimenting the founder on her work, so I reached out and made an offer.

The founder responded within minutes, and we had a quick exchange sharing our ‘why’. It was a quick but meaningful conversation.

Reaching out to people / meeting people constantly is draining. What helps is having a system that works for you.

It also helps to spread out the outreach to ensure it always feels genuine and take breaks when it feels too much.

As always, feedback is a gift, and I welcome any/all feedback on this episode. See ya next week 👋.

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✨ Special thank you to Gigi Marquez who suggested I start this newsletter 🙏